


To Lose Him Again

by Nikita



Series: Remember [2]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 20:32:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikita/pseuds/Nikita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McCoy wakes to new possibilities…</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Lose Him Again

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after 'I Tried...' - set during the movie Star Trek III: The Search for Spock. This scene is from the movie, the dialogue is straight from canon, but these are McCoy's thoughts during the scene. Just another short prelude to the real story, which is 'Fallen Walls' and takes place after this. (I wrote this to stand alone along with the first story, but I then was inspired to write an actual story after that so I include this snippet because of it.)

***

I’m not sure what it is I’m supposed to do… It’s not like he told me what to do…certainly didn’t tell me he was leaving his ‘soul’ with me. This Katra, or whatever it is didn’t exactly come with a manual.

 

There’s no medical texts or research to draw from, the Vulcans are as tight-lipped as usual – paranoid bastards. The crew give me pitying looks and avoid asking me questions. Jim looks at me as if he expects me to pull a rabbit out of my hat – or rather a Vulcan from my head. How do I do that? I’ve never put much stock in this Vulcan mysticism and now I’m depending on it. We both are. 

It’s odd…this presence in my mind…not like a mind meld, more like a possession and I can’t control it at all. Sometimes it’s all me and sometimes it’s him and most of the time it’s an odd mixture of the two of us. Logic. I kept talking about logic at the bar, wasn’t even aware of it until later. I had plenty of time to think to myself in the holding cell. 

And now? Now I look down at his face - his face! A new body grown thanks to Genesis. Perhaps the only good thing to come from that damn experiment since the planet’s dying and Jim’s son is dead. 

Jim. I wish I could comfort him properly, but I’m just a bit too preoccupied at present. We’re renegades from Starfleet, on board a Klingon ship, the Enterprise is gone and we’re heading to Vulcan.

And I have no idea what to do…

“Spock, for god sakes, talk to me…” He’s so still.

“You stuck this damn thing in my head, remember?” God that sounds familiar…. 

“Remember?” That word will be branded in my memory forever…

“Now tell me what to do with it. Help me.” There’s nothing. No response, from his body or from that Katra within me. What if we lose him, anyway? After all we’ve been through to get him back… What if ‘I’ lose him? This realization makes me sit back slightly. 

“I’m going to tell you something that I never thought I’d ever hear myself say. But it seems I’ve missed you…” 

“I don’t know if I could…stand to lose you again.” 

He sleeps on and I can’t stop repeating the thought over and over in my head.

I can’t stand to lose him again.

I can’t.

END


End file.
